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Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Why me?

The first line. Like a Monday in a week's beginning it can set the tone for the rest of the post. It should be approached carefully and thoughtfully and with really thick gloves and maybe one of those long lasso-stick thingies that dog catchers use. Throw out the wrong combination of words and boom! you got a flesh-mangling fight with the pit-bull of self pity. Me personally, i got enough discouragement from everyday life and wouldn't need any more from my reading material. i feel the same way about movies, why, when life is torturous and often so depressing, would i want to watch a movie that says life is torturous and depressing? Gimme an eye popping explosion, a couple of cleverly killed off villians and some characters that always have something witty to say even when the world is coming down around their ears.

That's what i need here. Something witty. Some way of taking the absolutely Jobian day i had yesterday and putting it into perspective. Possibly a comparison to the halcyon days of yester week. Ah last week, when life moved at the pace of a baking pie and was thoroughly laced with spices like hope and contentment. i can almost still smell the heady scent of a week off and time spent writing and working on the station and camping and feasting with family, mfffffffffff, ah. Smells like 'Victory.'

How then can i relate steaming sweet potato, apple or pumpkin pie to the cold metal slivers and broken glass i was fed on a slime-slick stone floor yesterday? Or how do i deal with my shrugging right back into the black rags of spite and self-loathing that i am so used to wearing when crunching such a bloody breakfast. When the only witty response that will occur to my scarlet mind is but one word long and yet all descriptive.

Manic depressive?
Bi-polar?
Schizo?

Without a doubt. Without faith how could life be anything but all of the three and then some? Without a firm belief in an Architect/Artist who has His children's best interests in mind, how does one deal with the duplicitous nature of nature? Without an unshakeable, nay, unbreakable, it often both shaken and stirred, but never broken belief in Justice and how can there be Justice without a Judge? How can one forge ahead through what appears to all accounts to be complete and abhorrent injustice? Better yet, if there is no Judge and no ultimate point to the saga then... Why? Why struggle at all? Go out quick and thunderously, flash! Poof! Sayonara suckers! Pass the explosions, a couple of cleverly killed off villians and i'll try to come up with something witty to say as the forces of human "justice" close in.

Job. With a long 'o.'

There are no coincidences and so the Architect structured my life so that i would hear a sermon series on Job before having yesterday. So that today, instead of enviously eyeing the .44 or the local nomad enabler down at the cycle dealership, i can get up, put on the despised rags of rage that go with my job, short 'o,' and forge off into the fog and darkness with my nose being tickled by the faint but unmistakabe aroma of sweet potato pie.

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