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Monday, February 12, 2007

Welcome to Weekend's

Welcome to Weekend's, can i help you?

Yeah, i dunno. i don't really know what i'm looking for.

That's quite alright, sir. Easily eighty percent of our customers have no clue what they're looking for when they come in but we always help them spend their valuable time.

Yeah, that's just it. i just have the sixty hours and i was looking for so much. i need a lot of stuff too.

I see you have a list with you. We could start there. First let's put you into the system and see what we get. Ah, I see you will be redeeming a coupon for Monster Truck Jam purchased by a friend of yours here a couple of weeks ago. That should be fun.

Hope so.

Would you like to add a stop afterwards for appetizers, beer and conversation? It's a great cap to an otherwise less than interactive event.

Well, i did get the two hour commute with the Monster Jam package.

Oh, so i see. Plenty of time for conversation in the mini-van, well, it's up to you.

You know, what the heck, let's throw in the appetizers!

Excellent choice, i personally never miss a really good appetizer and if i may be so bold, i would recommend the veggie pizza tortillas. The look on your kids faces will be priceless. Now that does come with a late bedtime. Were you hoping to get any sleep this weekend?

That was the first thing on my list. i was hoping for twenty-four hours at the least.

Hmm. Well, it'll really depend on what else you buy with your time. Let's save the sleep for last and see where we can fit it in, okay? What else was on your list?

Um, some errands, a birthday party for a friend that i reserved two weeks ago, working on the house is always on here and you know, i'd like to spend some time with my boys.

Well, let's see what we can do. The party i see is Saturday night. That again comes with the late bedtime penalty, were you going to drink at this party?

i ...might.

How much?

Well, i haven't really partied with these folk before.

So too much. I'll put you down for a hangover on Sunday. Oh. Wow. You have a weekly engagement to sing and perform your writings at church every Sunday, is that right?


Sure you want the hangover?

Well, no. But what does that do to the party?

Not a lot really, though you might be tense and awkward at first.. you could skip the rum?

What kind of rum?

Captain Morgan's Private Stock.

Keep the rum.

Okay, keeping the rum, which causes violent sickness before, it can work. But i don't think you'll be enjoying that morning. And that makes a nap non-negotiable but that works with your plan anyway so i'll put you down for an hour and a half there. Which has priority, the working on the house or the errands?

The errands, one of them is to get a birthday gift for the party.

Ah, nothing like last minute inspiration.

Actually i know what i'm getting him. So it's not that big a deal.

Riiiight, but we'll have to put that in on Saturday, your wife has bought you a trip to the bank as well and your boss purchased a trip to Home Depot for you so i'll just throw those in with the birthday gift safari. Okay, i think we can still get both in on Saturday. The bank has to be done before noon so errands, work, party. Sound good?

Doesn't leave much time for sleep and the boys.

What if you took the boys on the errands? It's less convenient but that's how you got to know your elder son, time alone in the car with dad. Kills two birds, y'know?

Yeah, you know that's a good idea. If they stay home, they'll just play video games all day.

That's what they ordered, pending your signature since they're minors.

Yeah, let's throw the little weasels on with the errands.

Little weasels, errands, got it. I have a special on question and answer periods for an eight year old, could you use that?

Of for sure.

Okay, let's see what's left for sleep. Oh my.

How much?

Well, eighteen hours but they're all Sunday afternoon to Monday morning. Part of which is a required hangover nap. And i see you usually spend three hours on family time with your in-laws on Sunday evenings.


You are a saint. So are we skipping the in-laws then?

No. That's usually a good time and free pizza.

Ah! I didn't see the free pizza. Okay, well then, what else could we cut?

How bout working on the station. Hate to disrupt a thoroughly pleasant weekend.

Bet you don't. So cancel the cursing and tantrum laden housework. That gives you a rather scattered but solid twenty-six hours of sleep.

Y'know, there's this thing for church i wanted to write...

Okay, axe the nap on Saturday, that gives you twenty three hours sleep with the sleep-in option on Saturday morning and an early bed time on Sunday.

i hate early bedtimes during the weekend. 'Specially on Sunday. Makes me feel like my time is up. Do you have any bargain computer time.

Lemmesee. I have three wasted hours playing Jewel Quest while your wife watches the Grammies.

That it?

Fraid so.

Okay i'll take it.

That'll be sixty hours and fourteen minutes, Mr. Dogg. Enjoy your weekend.

Thanks, hey, i realize you work here but .. do you think i'm getting a good deal. I mean, am i really spending my time well?

I'm afraid no one knows that until the Final Audit, sir. For what it's worth I think you'll have a good time. The errands with the boys sounds like a hidden jem.

Yeah. Yeah, i guess so. Course all i'll remember is the Hangover penalty and three hours of Jewel Quest.

Hmm. Y'know, i could throw in a couple of minutes of Shakira dancing at the Grammies, on the house.

Your my hero.

See you next week, sir.