(From my journal this morning.)
2023 07 04,
Independence day.
Father, on a certain day, i do not know the day, You made me independent from sin and this world. On a certain day, i do not know the day, You bought me out of slavery. On a certain day, i became free from death, an everlasting death which i was doomed to by my father’s sin and by my own. But my independence is not freedom as the world sees it. It is a new kind of slavery. It is a new kind of service. It is a new kind of being owned. i have a new master. i came out of the Republic and entered into the service of the King. The King who adopted me. i am not just his slave, i am His son! By the death of His Son, in the power of His resurrection, i am free! Kill my body and my soul will fly to Him. And on a certain day, i do not know the day, my body will be freed and my soul will rejoin it and they will be recreated into glory. Free from the grave, free from sin, free from sickness, free from pain, free from loss, free from misery, free from evil, free from suffering, free from hopelessness, free from confusion and angst and worry and hate and greed and selfishness and wretchedness and unrighteousness and anger and woe and lust and envy and coveting and pride and ignorance and murder and theft and adultery and godlessness and idolatry and violence and poverty and discharge and leprosy and uncleanness and suspicion and hiding and wrongdoing and war and rape and grime and filth and parasites and sweat and stains and misunderstanding and decay and defecation and deformity and ugliness and judgment and tiredness and exhaustion and lethargy and weariness and the enormous crushing, soul-dragging weight of everything there is to do here which cannot possibly be done and yet is expected. i will be free of other people’s expectations. Mom will be free of Alzheimer’s. Abby Ledford will eat, and digest, and not die, her own body will stop attacking her. We will be free of doctors and physicians and nurses and needles and machines that beep incessantly. We will be free of lawyers and legalese and contracts and disclaimers and fees and the protection of words on paper. We will be free of cheating and taking advantage and usury and predators and vileness and miserliness and money. We will be free from misunderstanding each other, the Gospel, You! We will know You. No one will claim the office of prophet. No one will claim the office of priest. No one will claim special revelation. We will be free of self-aggrandizement. We will be free from politicians and megalomania and monomania and power seekers and back room deals and covert ops and spy agencies and lobbyists and special interest groups and political action committees and parties and patrons and donors and corporations and syndicates and unions and bought influence and bribery and slander and lies and lies and lies. We will be free from need and hunger and thirst and the harmful effects of the sun and cancer! We will be free from impotence and barrenness and childlessness and stillbirth and miscarriage and sudden infant death syndrome and suffocation and mental illness and no bone will break, no skin will bleed, nothing will cut us or stab us or rupture or break or tear or rend or break down or strain or pull or stretch or cease to function. We will be free from apathy and lack of love and though i’ve said it before, it bears saying again here, selfishness. We will be free from a lack of empathy and sympathy and pathos and we will never again sit in another’s presence desperately wanting to connect with them and know them and care about them but have no words. We will never meet a stranger we do not love and want to know all about. We will never again be a stranger whom no one notices. We will be free from loneliness and isolation and awkwardness and cliques and teasing and bullying and power struggles and bias and prejudice and distrust and pariahs and fear and xenophobia and alienation and desertion and neglect and being cast out, cast away, cast off or the wrong caste. We will be free from our misunderstanding and wrongful ideas of love, for we will know Love. God is love and perfect love will drive out our fear and our false loves and we will be free of them. Free to love. Free from all impediments, fears, hesitations, self-defense, wariness, caution, reasonable safeguards, boundaries and fences and walls and fortresses and hurts and wounds, emotional, physical, spiritual, free from abuse, free from trauma, free from the word trauma, free from psychology and psychiatry and drugs, illicit and prescribed, free from escapism, free from coping mechanisms, free from the desire to flee, free from false utopias, free from narcissism, self-loathing, self-absorption, insecurity, overconfidence, personality disorders, self-care, self-help, self. Free from self. For nothing will surpass the all encompassing delight of knowing You and being in Your Very Presence! There, there true freedom resides. That is our future and our hope. That is our ultimate destination. That is the reality that puts the lie to this world. That is true independence! Let freedom ring! Come Lord Jesus!
