(An excerpt from my journal this morning. i had time, or i made time, to truly break down a passage. Use it if it helps, toss it if it doesn't. Grace and peace.)
“Be gracious to me,” Petition. Ask. Right to the point. Grace. Unmerited. He knows he is asking for that which he does not deserve. He is asking for a positional response. A pose. An attitude toward himself from God Most High. YHWH. The Almighty. The Holy, Holy, Holy one. To me. Personal. Not corporate. He believes God Most High can be approached by something as lowly and sinful as men, and more, as a man. Each of us may come. He will listen. He hears. He cares. He is willing to turn His face to us and extend open hands to us, why?“according to Your loyal love.” Because it is His predetermined position. Because He has promised to. Covenant. This is His sworn attitude, sworn by Himself since there is nothing higher than He to swear by.
“According to Your abundant mercies,” all of this presupposes knowledge. God has revealed Himself to us so that we might know of His works and His nature and base our faith upon this rock, this unchanging character of God.
“blot out my transgressions.” And because we know He is Holy, we know our sin is offensive and a complete hindrance to our relationship with Him, and that He is the only one who can effectively deal with them and because of His nature, we can trust that He wants to. And so we appeal to Him.
“Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and from my sin cleanse me.” Sin stains. Sin is repugnant. Sin needs cleansing. Metaphorical. For sin also needs uprooting. It goes deep. But we are cups to Him. He can wash both the inside and the outside.
“i, i know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me.” Now. i was not so aware of them before when i was doing them. i might have been if someone had pointed them out then or slowed my roll but here we are and i have done the vile deeds, the unforgivable deeds. Indeed! i cannot ever seek forgiveness from Uriah for i have had him slaughtered by the hands of immoral enemies of God. O wretched man am i, who will save me from this body of death?!
“Against You, only You, i have sinned and have done this evil in Your eyes,” all sin is against God. He takes all sin personally. He so identifies with Uriah that in essence, David murdered God’s son. He so identifies with Bathsheba that David raped God’s daughter. Jesus so identifies with His people, that David raped and murdered Jesus. David has set God’s children on a dangerous path. David has corrupted the head of God’s people, what can the body do? David has polluted the whole loaf. God’s bread is rotten.
“so that You are correct when You speak, You are blameless when You judge.” No one can accuse God of wrongdoing. Of overreaction. Of sticking His divine nose where it does not belong. There is no line between the sacred and the secular. There is no private and public sphere. There is nowhere, nothing that God does not see and declare as His own.
“Behold, in iniquity i was born, and in sin my mother conceived me.” Original sin. Born of a sinful race. There is no need to speculate that David was illegitimate or some other such thing. All humans are sinners from birth, doomed by Adam. Doomed to the same fate as Adam. Condemned under the law. This is why God can order the death of children and be guiltless. How does that then jive with every man dying for his own sin? Again, Father, is a child innocent up to the age of reason? How do you judge children? How do you judge the unborn dead? Are their children in heaven?
“Behold, You delight in truth in the inward parts,” repentance and worship start within.
“and in the hidden parts You make me to know wisdom.” God sees the heart.
“Purify me with hyssop,” usually used in levitical rites to sprinkle blood of sacrifice.
“and i shall be clean. Wash me, and i shall be whiter than snow.” The purest form of water. White. Pure. Holy. Clean. Jesus.
“Make me hear joy and gladness;” cuz right now i am in despair. Everything is dark to me because i am not right with You. Everything is evil to me because i have lost communion and right relationship with You. All is ruined. All is fallen.
“Let the bones You have crushed rejoice.” Agony to celebration.
“Hide Your face from my sins,
and all my iniquities blot out.” Cuz this is the issue.
“Create a clean heart for me, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” i used to have these things. i used to enjoy fellowship with You. i used to think first about You and meditate upon You and enjoy You and delight in You and somewhere i became darkened in my thinking. Low. Bestial. Again though, this isn’t something i can do for myself. i need You to do it. You did it before. i didn’t deserve it then. Let it come again.
“Do not cast me away from Your presence, “even though it burns me.
“and do not take Your Holy Spirit from me.” For i need it! i must have it! Do not forsake Your child, daddy!
“Restore to me the joy of Your salvation,” when i delighted in Your favor, i knew why, i had been saved from hell, i had been chosen of God, i had been raised up from death to live with the Holy One of Israel in His palace temple as His beloved child.
“and with a willing spirit sustain me.” Keep me alive, keep me going, keep me cheered by Your presence, by Your reciprocal spirit within me.
“Then i will teach transgressors Your ways, and sinners will turn back to You.” because i will be an example to them of Your forgiveness and mercy and love.
“Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God,” in case anyone doubted i knew what i had done and what the consequence and justice of the deed demanded.
“the God of my salvation,” in case anyone doubted i knew what i was asking for and from whom.
“then my tongue will sing aloud of Your righteousness.
O Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth will proclaim Your praise.” i am hoping for a new song to sing. i am desiring to add not just verses to songs of my knowledge of You from before but entirely new songs because You have revealed so much more of Yourself to us in this salvation than we knew before.
“For You do not delight in sacrifice or i would give it.” You do not delight in the death of the wicked. You are not bloodthirsty. It is not in blood of animals, beasts, sinners in which Your wrath is quenched.
“With a burnt offering You are not pleased.” As if burnt flesh and hair could mask my sin.
“The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;” truth in the inward parts.
“A broken and contrite heart,
O God, You will not despise.” Right position and attitude toward You. True honor and humility. True knowledge.
“Do good in Your favor toward Zion.” The place where God dwells with men.
“Build the walls of Jerusalem.” The holy city where God dwells with men. The people of God.
“Then you will delight in righteous sacrifices, burnt offering and whole burnt offering.” True worship.
“Then bulls will be offered on Your altar.” We cannot get You back with our offerings. It is only when You have come to us that there is any point in our worship. Our worship is a response, not a bargain. Not a ransom. Not a bribe. But a celebration.
