"So what's necessary for an authoritarian regime to gain and hold power?" Seamus asked.
"Historically speaking?" i shrugged. "Abolish free press and take all the guns. After that, abolish free elections... umm, i dunno, religion? Guess they should hold sway over that too."
"Aye, that's the kinda thing we usually worry aboot, right? First two amendments. Framers musta worried aboot it too. That's why this is so brilliant!"
"Um... what is?"
"This... You think...?"
"Oh don't get me wrong, I dinna know who's in charge. The fat man doesn't seem swift enough for my thenkin' but he's certainly got the ego fer it, ferdamshuir. But you gotta admire what they've doon."
"You think they've abolished the free press and taken all the guns?"
"Fook no! And tha's the beauty of it! They dinna have to! They gotta lil' help, okay, a lotta help. First off, the innernet," he held up a pretzel stick, i guess that was his visual representation of the internet, "Tis flooded with news sources nough. (To this day, i don't know how to spell how he pronounces words like how, now, flew, spew!) Ever' twit wit'a twitta is a goddumm journalist nough." He smashed his pretzel all over the bar. He flicked the pieces this way and that. "Alt facts, fake facts, their facts, yer facts, dunna know how anyone tells wha's goddumm goin' on anymuir! Then ye got these lefties," he picked up the largest piece left, "whoo'r so keen to take'm down, so goddum anxious to get a shot inna 'im, they go and go off half cocked. They goddumm shoot their loads into their own goddumm foot anna ye git the whole world laughin' at'm, all you gotta do is let the rope out anna watch'm hang themselves," he ate the lefties. Dusted off his hands, "So there ye are, no need to abolish free press, just flood the market fer the easily swayed to pick ther favorite and ignore the rest and discredit them all to the point where no thinkin' man troosts'm and it amoonts to the same theng."
"Okay, i can see that. But what about the guns? How are they going to take over and not deal with armed revolt?"
"What armed revolt?"
"Americans are never gonna let them take our guns, we have more now than ever!"
"Aye, ye do, but again, why would they come for thum?"
"To.. stop an armed revolt?"
"Wha armed revolt?" He smirked at me. i hate when he smirks at me.
"There's not going to be an armed revolt..."
"There's no gonna be no armed revolt, lad, and that's the best part, cuz all his rhetoric is aimed at winnin' o'er one group anna one group only...
"The ones with the guns."
"Ye catch on late, but ye do catch on. When the revolt comes lad, his owen will police all the rest. All 'is life, he's made a large livin' onna gettin' others to do his dirty work for 'im and he ain't changed his tune a bit. 'N why should 'e? Its workin'."