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Monday, November 15, 2010

No one made me do this.

i've gotten lazy...er. And i'm not happy about it. Apparently, without someone, physical or metaphorical, standing behind me with a bullwhip, i don't have a lot of motivation to do much of anything. Strangely, the things i want to do are so self-serving that my conscience kicks in and doesn't allow me to do them either and so i sort of hover, trembling in a dead space between what i ought and what i nought without enough umption to bump me bum either direction. It's why i hate Saturdays. Quite often on a Saturday there is no one telling me clearly what i need to do. There's plenty to do. Too much usually and so an ordering has to take place. A structure of priority has to be assembled. But that is something to do and there's no one making me do it.

Even my writing has suffered. i once wrote a complete book. It wasn't a good book and i'm in the process of rewriting it but i actually got something down from start to finish. You know why. Cuz a couple of little kids started reading it and wanted me to finish. So there's your bullwhip. A gentle hand behind it but a whip just the same. Now? Heck, my last blog post wasn't even up to my standards. Granted, my chief concern was getting it written down before the smoke smell was out of my nostrils but that's barely fit for my notes and now i feel that there is a burnt out hole in the center of my blog as well as the back of the yard. Something published needs to be entertaining for the reader. There's an unspoken contract between me and thee that says, your time here will not be wasted. And i have to apologize. It has been lately. So before i go and waste more of it. Let me end here with the apology and the promise, that hopefully, there will be a return to the days of yore when reading a blog by a scruffy scribe contains a laugh and a truth and well spent minute or two. Or at least a laugh. Possibly just a chuckle. Heck, i'll be happy if you smile.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

I read somewhere that being too self critical leads to decreased creativity. It's true for me.

scruffy said...

True dat. But the unexamined life and all that... i could write a couple of posts about how we take a good thing or think and turn it into an ultimate thing or think. Modern version of carving idols. And i just might. All i'd be doing is regurgitating Kellerisms but they bear it i think.

Anonymous said...

Scruffy I wish I had just an ounce of your writing talent....

scruffy said...

Wot??? You want to take all of my talent??

Katie said...

I had a similar problem back in my teaching days when I had summers free. I had all this time and felt I needed to do something important with it, but had a hard time finding what was the most important and I just ended up wasting a lot of time.

Now I hardly have enough to time to do all I want, and that leaves me feeling much happier. I'm not agonizing over every minute. Instead, the ragamuffins are dictating what I do for much of the day.