What is the church? Pursued and persecuted.

What is the church?  And what can we liken it to in Genesis 4?

"And Yahweh said to Cain, “Why are you angry, and why is your face fallen? If you do well will I not accept you? But if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. And its desire is for you, but you must rule over it.”

If you were looking for the protagonist of this chapter, it would not be Abel.  It's Cain.  Cain and Abel are of the same family, they are brothers, they both bring offerings to Yahweh.  For all extents and purposes, they, with their parents, are the church.  Cain does not bring his offering to God in love however.  He resents God.  He brings the fruit of his own labor, possibly not even his best.  Just something to appease the God who runs my life.  Or perhaps he truly does want to be accepted by God, but for what he is.  For what Cain has done.  Look at me!  Am I not worthy?  Are you not proud of me?  Am I not good enough for you?  

No.  Frankly.  You are not.  But if you do what is good, what I've instructed you to do, won't I accept you anyway, God says.  God pursues Cain even though God knows what is in Cain's heart and what he will do.  God lets Abel be martyred.  Like his father the devil, Cain hates God but he cannot hurt God so he will touch who he can.  Cain reveals what is in his heart as we all do eventually.  Cain only cares for himself.  Cain is driven out to protect the church.  But he still carries the image of God.  He still carries the same common grace as the church.  He creates, he makes.  He makes a church of his own, names it after his own and we see through the generations how, despite its industriousness, or maybe because of it, that church becomes arrogant and proud and cruel.  The church of self.  

At one time or another, we all belong to this church of Self.  We all worship ourselves.  Christ comes and either calls us out of it and to himself, or calls us out, calls us what we are.  And just like our father Cain, we killed him for it.  But God...

the Four Needs: Approval

All of the idols objectify others in our lives to some degree or another.  All of them use people to get what they need, but for Approval, getting what we need from other people IS the goal.  No other idol seems to directly feed off of other humans the way this one does.  And so the Eagle of the Spirit-Filled believer, noble and true is warped and twisted into the Vulture who feeds on the souls of men.  Vulture and Eagle are even the same word in the Bible usually translated as one or the other according to context.  

Approval and Power have fuzzy borders in many of our minds.  It’s hard to know where one ends and the other begins.  “There needs to be a fence here,” says everyone with a Control idol.  Hopefully this helps.  They began to take on a more distinct personality for me when i thought of them this way.  There are two mindsets to our sins, dominant and servile.  The dominant proud say in their deepest heart, a place so buried sounds in it do not reach the consciousness, there in the dark they whisper to themselves, “i am god!”  The dominant has either destroyed the Lord in his mind, denying His existence or he sees Him but thinks himself His equal or even His better.  The servile on the other hand, recognize they are not God, fear him but in their pride think they can justify themselves to Him.  The statement in their heart of hearts is, “i am good.”  Power desires godhood.  Power is Lucifer’s own path.  Approval would be content to just be worthy of God.  But both are positions of Pride.

‘Well, what’s wrong with that?’  You ask.  ‘Aren’t we all just seeking God’s approval?  ‘Well done, good and faithful servant?’’  Well, yeah, no… maybe?  Sort of?  No, no we don’t.  And here’s why.

We already have it.  

Jesus is the good and faithful servant.  Faith is believing, not only has his death taken the place of our death, but his good works, both past, present and future are ours as well!  We already are good and faithful servants!  In Christ!  So a healthy servant at this point isn’t seeking anything but to bring joy to the Father in thanksgiving!  Joy to his brothers and sisters, in praise!  Love seeks the good of the other, always!

Approval does not love.  Approval needs.  The flow is not outward, no matter how much good it does for anyone.  No matter how much work it does for the church.  No matter how much happiness it even brings to anyone.  Good deed, bad deed, all that it does for others, is ultimately only for Itself.  The flow is inward.  Incurvatus in se.  Approval wants to hear, “Well done, good and faithful servant,” yes.  But not because it loves God.  But because it hates Him and wants to deny His authority over it.  Because it fears His rejection, Approval sees its inferiority, sees its need and despises itself.  And then it despises the one who makes it feel small.  It knows it cannot be a god, or so it thinks, it may even praise itself for its humility in thinking so, but what it seeks is to not be under God’s power but to be free of it!  It wants to be the one being on this fallen world whom Jesus did not have to die for.  Do you see it?  Do you see how even in the church, this person whom so many will love for their “servant’s heart” can even set their sights upon Jesus himself’s approval and miss the Gospel entirely because they don’t want Him, the Way, the Truth and the Life, they want Him to think they are good enough as they are.

““Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter into the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and expel demons in your name, and perform many miracles in your name?’ And then I will say to them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Depart from me, you who practice lawlessness!’” Matt 7

Welcome

i hate locked doors.

By extension, i hate being ignored, passively or actively locked out of a conversation, a group, a place where i was hoping to enter, participate in or just listen to.  i don't need to be celebrated, i don't have to have the recognition and delight of every participant, i just want to be included, allowed, given a fair shake. 

Welcome. 

America is locking its doors.  Fear and jealousy is taking over.  Selfishness.  If we share with you, there won't be enough for us.  If we let you in, you might do something violent.  If we let a lot of you in, we may change.  We won't be in charge anymore.  There is danger in welcome.  Guests are not always pleasant.  Hospitality is costly.  Safety is tenuous.  Comfort is more comfortable.  Welcome is vulnerable.

Vulnerable is scary. 

You have to assume damage if you are going to love the damaged.  And everyone is damaged.  None are healthy, no, not one.  Everyone is hurting from something.  And where they've been hurt, they have learned mechanisms to defend themselves.  Where they've been denied, they've learned skills to get what they think they need.  Those mechanisms and skills are broken, they are almost always sinful and damaging, but they work in the short term and that's all that matters to the damaged and the needy.  If you let them in, you are going to be stolen from, you are going to be hurt, your stuff is going to get broken.  They may be ungrateful.  They may lie about you.  They may hurt you.  They might even beat you up. 

They might kill you. 

They might drag you through your own streets, nail you onto a beam and hang you up for public ridicule.  This is what happens if you cross us!  This is what happens when you welcome!  This is what happens when you love! 

People call Christians intolerant.  They accuse us of being exclusive.  Unwelcoming and i'm sure they've got some examples they could hold up.  We are all broken, we are all damaged and some have yet to understand the God they believe in.

But that's not what we are.  Christians are people pointing to a door.  Testifying about a door.  You don't enter a house through the wall.  Only thieves go into a temple through the window.  You enter a kingdom through a gate.  Through a door.  Jesus is the door.  He's literally the way in. 

And for now, he's not locked.

Remember to use your indoor voice.

i have screamed at the sky. i have read Ecclesiastes and said, "yep, that's truth." Meaningless, life is meaningless, all chasing after the wind. i have lived almost forty years now and found nothing worth the effort it took to get here. No reward in this life worth the ride. i watch the trail of ants coming out of the walls of the house i built and across the counter of the shiny new kitchen and i see a world that is infested with entropy, decay, filth and i hear the laughing of an evil spirit mocking my attempts to recreate a private Eden. There is no rest or refuge on the earth. i have spent four hours working on a drawing for the Rabbitrails only to have someone tell me it isn't work and not so much as imply that it is a waste of time as make it a declaration of fact. And so i get lost in these dark places where i can't see what the point and movement of history is for. You're born, work at something someone else want's you to do for forty-to sixty years and then if you're lucky, you retire before your back, knees and/or health gives out and you putter around your yard looking for shrews but what you're really doing is hiding from one. This is life in America. Finally having your first child and buying your first house in your mid-thirties and then finding out you have cancer. It's watching your children make the same mistakes you did. Watching your parents walk away from each other and you. It's realizing that optimism is a belief that can only be held by the psychotically insane or the so-far astoundingly lucky. It's never being good enough, smart enough, wealthy or healthy enough. It's working your whole life and having the river or the ocean or a fire or a mean neighbor or a total, mind raping, freak accident take it all away in seconds. There are no guarantees. None. Yes, i have screamed at the sky. Why? What's it all for?

"If you don't love your story then you don't love the author of your story." That was a quote by Dan Allender that i heard one morning on a podcast that i was listening too in my search for the answers to those questions. i dunno if you've screamed at the sky but i can assure you that it rarely gives immediate, discernible answers. And from what i've read, you don't actually want it to. So i went looking the only place available to a guy like me: i Tunes.

Well, sort of. Lemme explain. What i went to was the Word of God. But as the Ethiopian eunuch told Phil, "how can i understand this unless someone explains it to me?" See, wanna guy to be humble enough to ask for directions? Geld him. i don't want anyone to eunuchize me so i try to be humble now. So, taking his example, i also go looking for learned folk who have not only read it but spent considerable time praying and studying it and arguing over what it all means with other folk who've spent considerable time praying and studying it. And then got recorded telling others what they've learned or think they've learned. Some of those recordings are on iTunes. One of these guys is Dan Allender and he's worth a listen or two. For the very reason that he drops bricks like "If you don't love your story then you don't love the author of your story," on you when your spackling a ceiling with your headphones on.

i tell you right now, i had to stop. Spackle knife in hand and ask God to forgive me for hating Him for much of my life. All those curses i had been launching at the air around me, they didn't hit the guy responsible for my curse, the guy laughing at me as i cursed my maker, my author, the lover of my soul. They hit the guy holding my ungrateful fist through it all. Trying to explain it to me. Trying to show me the answers to Why and What for?

i still don't know why or what for? i still ask. But i try to remember that i'm asking the guy in the chair next to me who went to the cross for me and while hanging there asked the sky, "Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?" He died for my stupidity, rose and is sitting in heaven somewhere above the sky, i figure that gives him some interesting and worthwhile perspectives on it all.