A confessional interlude

i will get back to the Christian Fatalism series (I HAVE TO NOW as you will see if you read this!)  But i thought this was worth sharing too and i can see how the two are tied together, woven like cancerous tumors around a spine.  This is just raw, unedited journal entry from this morning.  Use it if it's helpful, toss it if your sins are different than mine.

2018 05 28,

“But you were not willing to go up, and you rebelled against the command of Yahweh your God.  And you grumbled in your tents, and you said, “Because of the hatred of Yahweh toward us he has brought us out from the land of Egypt to give us into the hand of the Amorites to destroy us.  Where can we go up?”

“Dorothy Sayers defines “sloth” as “the sin which believes in nothing, cares for nothing, seeks to know nothing, interferes with nothing, enjoys nothing, loves nothing, hates nothing, finds purpose in nothing, lives for nothing, and only remains alive because there is nothing it would die for.”

Lazy people do not love life enough to work hard to enjoy more of it, and the don’t love people enough to work hard so they can—as the righteous can— give without sparing.”

…

“When we think of a lazy person, we think of someone who doesn’t start things.  But there is also a kind of person who is always making plans and always starting but never finishing any project.  They don’t stay at jobs long, and they always blame the job itself rather than their own lack of stick-to-it-iveness.  Either they lose interest because of a lack of inner passion for anything or they have failed to count the cost and so find themselves overwhelmed.”

Tim and Kathy Keller

Father, just when i thought i’d hit a foundational sin of mine with the cynicism you go and pull the cover back more and convict me, stab me with sloth.  Guilty!  i am guilty!  What more can i do!  How can i now change??  What does repentance look like?  Surrounded as i am by a rotting house i never finished, a broken family, sons which do not serve and love you, an ipad full of unfinished drawings, a laptop full of unfinished books, a blog with an unfinished series…!  i am my father’s son.  i am lazy!  i am sloth.  Lord have mercy on me a sinner!  No wonder i have longed for a cause!  No wonder i have longed for a purpose!  And yet Lord, i feel like you have stood in my way every time i did feel the fire to move, to act, to become!  Was i not ready?  Was i not true?  Was i just starting or trying to, another project that i would not finish?  

What can be done with me now?  Is there anything left?  The generation which cursed you in the desert and turned its back on you is still alive in me.  The generation which refused the good gifts you had for it and made excuses instead is alive and well in me.  How many more years must i languish?  Is there any Joshua or Caleb in me?  Or is there only some Moses, angry at myself, at my sin but sinning on top of it and not treating you as holy and therefore not worthy of your rest?

Am i still avoiding true repentance?

CF4: Calling it out

"Jesus said to him, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life.  No one comes to the Father except through me.  If you had known me, you would have known my Father also."  John 14

It's time.  Time to call out the lies.  Time to drag the monsters out from under the bed and into the Light of Truth.  We have languished here too long; it has festered; it is time to pull the splinter.  Scooby Doo and those meddling kids have yanked the polite, smiling hypocrisy off the Christian Fatalist and uncovered the bitter heart of the cynic pumping vitriol beneath.  We have two choices when God calls us out, there is still time, we are still only on the road, only on our way to the Judge, we can agree with our accuser, confession is just that, it is agreeing with what Jesus says about us.  Now mind you, it's going to be hard, it's going to hurt, this is heart surgery, not Bactine and a band-aid, but if you're ready to really, truly start changing, start healing, if you really want to know the Father, this is the only Way there is...

"But turning around and seeing his disciples, he rebuked [you] and said, "Get behind me, Satan, because you are not setting your mind on the things of God, but the things of people!"  Mark 8

Whoa now!  Whoa!  Satan?  i mean, i got a little anger management problem yeah but Satan?  That's hyperbole!  That's totally out of line!  Me?  Satan?

Yeah.  Jesus don't play.  i told you, this was serious.  This is foundational.  You can keep confessing your fatalism or your cynicism or your anger if you want, you can keep treating symptoms all your life, your self-medicating, your dissipation, your porn problem, your fantasy life, your drinking, your time wasting, fine.  Do it.  It certainly won't hurt and you may see some improvement.  But if you want to live and not just live but live abundantly, live on purpose, live on mission, have a real, honest-to-God reason for living, you're going to have to take Jesus' hand with a spike hole in it and follow him where you may not want to go.  And how are you going to do that if you don't even believe what he says?

"Why do you not understand my way of speaking?  Because you are not able to listen to my message.  You are of your father the devil, and you want to do the desires of your father!  That one was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand firm in the truth, because the truth is not in him.  Whenever he speaks the lie, he speaks from his own nature, because he is a liar and the father of lies.  But because I am telling the truth, you do not believe me."  John 8

Cynicism is founded on two very fundamental lies which the cynic has most likely not thought out loud but has said in oh so many ways and built their lives upon:
     1. God is not God
     2. I am.
Even before we discuss how the cynic expresses them, can you not see how Jesus immediately recognizes his creation, Lucifer, Satan, the Serpent, the fallen angel in them?  Obdurate, outrageous pride!  How are we like that?

How are we not?  When we hoped for what we saw: the desire of the flesh, the desire of the eyes and the arrogance of material possessions; what we coveted, what we envied of the world around us and we asked God for it, whatever it was and we could make endless lists, God either steadfastly refused to give it to us or gave it to us for a season and then took it away or worse: gave us suffering we never asked for nor did it come into our minds to.  Then we got angry, we got hurt, we got upset and why?  Because we.  Deserved.  Better!  That is what our anger says.  That is what our self-pity says.  "I deserve better than this!"  "Why me?"  Oh, maybe at first we slapped the Christian platitudes on it, "God has a plan."  "God will never give you more than you can handle."  "Everything works for good for those who serve him."  But after a while... after five years, ten, twenty, do i hear forty?

The platitudes become parry and buckler and rote.  The smile a thin rigid mask.  The heart a stone.  Because if i deserved better, if i'm too good for this then God is either not good, not loving or not able to help.  And since God says he is all of those things then God would also have to be a liar.  God, therefore, couldn't possibly be the God he says he is.  The foundational lie: God is not God.  I am.  We have said with Sheba ben Bichri, "There is no share for us in David, and there is no inheritance for us in the son of Jesse...!"

Are your fists still clenched?  Are your teeth yet grinding?  Are your lips still tightly bound over a tongue which coils and rages to whip forth venom and cursing?  Do you stare daggers into the back of this Jesus who dares to name you, to judge you(!) as he turns from you toward Jerusalem?  Toward the Passover?  Toward betrayal?  Toward the Creator being tried by the creation?  Toward a beating?  A scourge?  A flail?  A cross?  If you do, then i have nothing for you but my pity, which i doubt you want.

But if it breaks you, if you're heart can still cry with the Spirit planted within you, "Abba Father!  Have mercy on me a sinner!"  If you can still cry at all, if you truly, deeply want to change no matter what it costs, then the next time we talk, we will speak of Good News!

CF3: the Cynic goes there

Fatalism, Pessimism and Cynicism all walk into a bar.  They order drinks, sit down at a booth and Fatalism holds his glass up, "What will be, will be!"
Pessimism clinks glasses with him and adds, "Yep, and it will most probably suck!"
Cynicism just takes a sip of his bitter drink and mutters, "You know why that is, don't ya."

"Man, who is born of woman,
Is short lived and full of turmoil.
Like a flower he comes forth and withers.
He also flees like a shadow and does not remain."  Job 14

Dreams.  Ambition.  Desire.  Hope.  To live is to live FOR something.  Whether one desires a quiet life or an epic one, one still has hopes and set requirements for those hopes.  A steady job, a loving family and a house in the burbs or a mission field, a backpack and a pocket English-to-Whuddeesay dictionary or a million dollars, a mansion and a yacht or a rented flat in a grimy city and an IBM selectric typewriter or a charming brownstone, an artist girlfriend and a good coffee shop down on the corner; the family farm; the military career; the next promotion; the next raise; the next game; the next diploma; the next kid; the next grandkid; the next acquisition; the next sale; retirement or acclaim; travel or finally settling down; the next thrill; the next church plant; the next rung up whatever ladder you thought your life was about whatever that thing may be, that's what you're living FOR.

But a mountain falls; it crumbles away,
and a rock moves from its place.
Water wears away stones;
its torrents wash away the soil of the earth;
so you destroy the hope of human beings.
You overpower him forever, and he passes away;
you change his countenance, then you send him away.
His children may come to honor, but he does not know it;
or they may become lowly, but he does not realize it.
He feels only the pain of his own body,
and he mourns only for himself."  Job 14

Or you're just surviving.  The stark contrast between the spark in one man's eyes or a thousand yard stare in another can be whether or not they still believe in their dreams, desires and ambitions.  Whether their hopes still seem attainable or something... or someone... has crushed them.  They might still have things to live for but those goals have a much different flavor than they once did: the next drink, the next card game, the next fishing trip, the next vacation, the next affair, the next chance alone in a dark room with their computer, the next hit, the next installment of their show, the next offering from Marvel or Marilyn Manson or Tim Keller, time alone in the garage, or in the library, or in the garden, or on the mower...

The Fatalist has given up but he hasn't really thought about why.  The Pessimist has a why but he hasn't really thought out the implications of that why.  He doesn't allow himself to.  The Cynic has.  The Cynic is a frustrated idealist.  At some point he sentimentally believed in the good, the way things could be, should be and would be if people really, really tried.  And if he's a Christian, then he thought he had every right to believe those things really could and would be!

But they did not.  They did not come true.  People didn't really try.  They didn't.  They were too busy, too important, too adamant, too weak, too interested in their own plans and dreams, too distracted, too fatalistic, too pessimistic, too cynical.  His dreams failed and he did too.  Whether he blames himself or not.  He has looked behind the frustrated dreams, the crushed hopes and he has seen that man, at his core is selfish and always only thinks of himself.  He's heard of Total Depravity and he buys it.  There is no one who does good, no not one.  All of humankind is a liar!

Man is just not good.  Therefore, Life is just not good.

And if he's honest, and if the drink is bitter enough, you might get him to admit what he's truly thinking.  What he's afraid to think out loud.  What he's even more terrified to commit to writing but is the underlying framework in which he lives, breathes and chooses to be angry, disgruntled and morose.

That maybe God isn't good either.

No, i won't leave it here, this is a terrible place to leave it off for now but sometimes... we have to sit in a terrible place... to be continued.

CF2: We begin to wonder...

"Hope that is deferred makes the heart sick..."  Prov 13
"The spirit of a man will endure his sickness,
     but as for a broken spirit who can bear it?"  Prov 18

Fatalism is giving up, it's a crushed spirit.  It's the logical outcome to crushed hopes.  It's learned helplessness: an experiment some sadist did with dogs years ago where they electrified the cage, not enough to kill, just enough to hurt, and watched to see what happened.  At first the dog tries to fight and flee but eventually it figures out there is nothing it can do, so it just lies down.  To my mind a Christian, a Bible believing follower of Christ is actually more susceptible to it, not less than a pagan.  Pagans can surely have it, the human heart is a hope factory.  We want, we desire but time and resources often mean we have to put off what we want, work for it, wait for it and despite what Disney tells us, dreams don't often come true nor when they do are they all we thought they'd be.  But a Christian has promises!  A Christian has the Bible and the Bible is chock full of wonderful things we hope for.  A Christian has REASONS to hope!  Proofs!  A God who can do all things!  Who has plans for us to prosper us and not harm, to give us a future and a hope!  We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us!  Let's go win the world for Christ!  Go Team!

But time and resources...  we live a little, we see disappointments, honeymoons become work-a-day, seasons pass, seasons come and nothing much seems to change under the sun.  We learn other verses, we learn that in this life we will have affliction, we learn that those whom God loves, he also chastens, we learn that the Potter has every right to do with the clay what He wants.  Despite all our prayers: she leaves; he never comes home; we lose the house; the child dies; the verdict does come back, 'cancer'; that friend rejects Jesus..and us; we hear of wars and rumors of wars and atrocities and sexual bondage; and oh by the way, we never seem to get a handle on that sin either do we and we begin to wonder...

But no, we're too good of Christians to wonder that!  We keep getting up and doing our duty.  We keep on keeping on.  The son becomes a soldier.  The soldier becomes a servant.  The servant becomes a slave.  We go to church.  We tithe.  We go to Bible study and fellowship and read the word and can even debate it.  We pay our taxes.  We take care of our families.  We endeavor to live quiet lives.  We sing the songs...

But why does that one make us cry?  Why when our coworker is really, truly suffering apart from Christ do we say, "I wish there was something I could do to help, something I could say."?  Why do some verses in the Bible make us angry?  Heck, we're angry all the time!  Why is that?  And we begin to wonder....

But no, there's stuff to do.  Work, work, work.  Come home tired enough to crash on the couch and lose ourselves in some binge-watching, ballgame, a good book, porn...or run, run, run, this kid has to go there, that kid has to go here, whose kid is that?  Crap!  We have more kids?  Why the heck did we have so many kids?  Work called, gotta go, go, go, the guys called, i need some time with them, play some golf, have a beer and b***h about our lives, our wives, our work, and talk about the old days, before, when we were young and life looked big and amazing and we had such...

hope.

(to be continued)

Christian Fatalism

"Whatever is--it was already determined,
   what will be--it has already been decided.
As for man, he cannot argue
   against what is more powerful than him.
Increasing words only multiplies futility,
   how does that profit anyone?

For who knows what is good for a man in his life during the few days of his fleeting life, which are fleeting as a shadow?  For who can tell anyone what will happen in the future under the sun?"  (Ecc 6)

Christian fatalism summed up in a few verses.  If God is God then nothing we do matters.  Predestination means we had no real choice in the matter (thank God!!).  God is all knowing, all seeing and all powerful, what does he need us to pray and ask for things?  He already knows.  He's going to do what he wants anyway, right? 

You know, before i go and tell you what i think about this, i'd be curious to hear what y'all think.  What's wrong with thinking this way?  Are there fallacies we are holding on to?  What scriptures refute this way of thinking?  What does thinking this way do to our heart?  Our faith?  Our testimony?

Up jumped the devil.

Every cynic is a frustrated idealist.  We don't look at the world as it is, we look at it as it should be and then lament how it is.  When people tell us, "cheer up!  It could be worse!"  We grumble, no, it is worse, what it could have been was a lot better!  

My readings today were from Genesis 4, Matthew 4, Ezra 4 and Acts 4.  Not every day do my readings seem to be so thematically linked as these four chapters do.  Each and every one seems hotly focused on one thing: Opposition.  It took Moses only three chapters to introduce the antagonist and inciting incident which will be the conflict of the rest of the Bible.  And in Chapter 4, Yahweh summarizes that conflict succinctly to Cain, 

"...sin is crouching at the door.  And its desire is for you,"

Ezra describes the "enemies of Judah and Benjamin" who use all the wiles and tools of the Serpent to confound and frustrate and cow the fledgling nation of Israel, freshly returned from exile and eager to rebuild the Temple.  In Acts Peter and John are dragged before the Sanhedrin for teaching and healing a lame man in the name of Jesus.  In each of these chapters there is someone who wants to do well and offer right sacrifices; someone who is rebuilding a house for our God as they were ordered to by God and king; someone who is listening to God and not refraining from speaking about what they have seen and heard.  And in each of these chapters, there is someone opposed to it and them.

We enlightened and rationalistic Christians can often lose sight of this, i think.  We are more likely to look at humanistic reasons for the way the world is.  Psychological ones.  Historical ones.  We can very nearly explain sin itself away by citing the troubled childhood of a sinner and their need for education and medication.  The answers are within our grasp because the problem is.  We can fix it.  If only...  Cain was disenfranchised by a flawed religious system which devalued his contribution and a nebulous moral code which had not yet conceived of murder and therefore not banned it either.  The other nations and peoples around Israel during the time of Ezra had as much claim and right to the land as the Israelites and had probably even suffered when Judah had previously provoked Babylon into conquering the land.  They were unfairly rebuffed when they offered to help with the building plan by the ethno-centric racism of a group of interlopers who would not accept a two-state solution.  The Sanhedrin of Pete and Jack's day were the proper authorities both in government and Judaism and acting in the nation's best interests as they saw fit, could only be in place by God's will and deliberately provoked by religious extremists in their own capital and holiest site.

And Satan, well, he's just a metaphorical device to explain the presence of evil and the psycho-emotional construct of an "enemy" in a "war" to help us understand the duality of living, light vs. dark, good vs. evil, republican vs. democrat, Jedi and Sith, balance.

But that's not what the Bible teaches.  The Bible teaches there is a WILL behind the war.  There is a malice, an animus, which feels and desires and hates.  Why is the world the way it is?  Sin.  Yes.  And sin has a name... and kids.  From three chapters into Genesis to his ultimate eternal destruction with three chapters left to go in Revelations 20, there is an enemy who hates God because he wants to BE God.  And his offspring will be like him.  They cannot kill what they hate, the one who has the audacity to oppose THEIR will, so they oppose His children with all the wiles and tools of their father.  If they cannot lie and sow the seeds of doubt about His goodness and love and seduce them away from Him, they will kill them.  

And so we see in Matthew 4 the ultimate battle.  Jesus is led by the Spirit of His Father into the wilderness where he is tempted for forty days and forty nights by Satan himself.  "If you are the Son of God..." doubt.  Most telling of all, when Satan offers the kingdoms of the world, it is no empty boast.  John quotes Jesus as calling Satan the "ruler of this world".  Daniel was told by Gabriel that the "Prince of Persia" fought against Michael and he.  The temporal kingdoms of this world are a beast which resemble the dragon himself.  Satan was offering to give them back if only Christ would change sides.  He doesn't.  Satan kills him.

This is no "devil made me do it" defense.  Cain is told, "And it's desire is for you, but you must rule over it."  And it's not a plea to try and fight the battle as if we were Jesus ourselves.  The "word that comes from the mouth of God" upon which we live and rely on IS Jesus himself!  The church in Acts 4 prays, "And now Lord, concern yourself with their threats and grant your slaves to speak with your message with all boldness, as you extend your hand to heal and signs and wonders are performed through the name of your holy servant Jesus."  We do not test God, we trust Him.  We do not worship Satan, no matter what he offers us.  Even if it looks good or we think we could do good with it.  No, this is me reminding myself that it's not just the way it is.  It's not C'est la vie.  Que sera, sera.  i must not let cynicism become fatalism.  We must "be strong in the Lord and in the might of His strength.  Put on the full armor of God, so that [we] may be able to stand against the stratagems of the devil, because our struggle is not against blood and flesh, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the world rulers of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places."  For though we are and will be opposed whenever and most of all when we try to do good and to obey God, from leading a church or mission to just trying to do the right thing, to writing a devotional to loving our spouse, the nail that sticks up gets pounded down the hardest, though they may hurt us, imprison us, take from us what we cherish, and even kill us, above all remember that though the battle rages on, the war is already won.  

"And I heard a loud voice in heaven saying,

“Now the salvation and the power
    and the kingdom of our God
    and the authority of his Christ have come,
because the accuser of our brothers has been thrown down,
    the one who accuses them before our God day and night.
And they conquered him by the blood of the Lamb
    and by the word of their testimony,
and they did not love their lives until death.

Because of this, rejoice, you heavens,
    and those who live in them!
Woe to the earth and to the sea,
    because the devil has come down to you,
having great anger,
    because he knows that he has little time!”"

On Rocks and Scorpions and Snakes

“What portion is there for us in David?  We have no inheritance in the son of Jesse.”  

Quick, whose quote is that?  Who said it?  Have you?  When you have asked God for a piece of bread and he has given to you a stone?  A snake for a fish?  When you asked him for an egg, did he give you a scorpion?  No?  Never happened?  

i know people who asked God for a baby and they got a stillborn and miscarriages.  There are people who have asked God to save their addicted child and they got an overdose.  There are those who ask for reconciliation and renewal and get divorce.  There are those who ask for years and years for healing and are told, my grace is sufficient for you.  People whose lives seemed fine until they gave it to Christ.  Families torn apart.  And that’s not to even mention those whose suffering is unto death because we don’t go to those parts of the world.  We stay here, where it’s safe.  Where it’s normal.  Where it’s sane.  Where our money and our culture can keep at bay most of the evil and suffering that the rest of the world thinks of as normal.  A world of paid sick days and all night groceries and medicines for sniffles and delivery on Sunday by Amazon and on demand television and tinder and alcohol and legalized marijuana and pets we don’t keep to eat and the right to keep and bear arms against anyone who would try and take any of those God-given rights away from us and cry out whenever these things do come to our shores like an unwanted intruder.

The Pope wants to change the words of the Lord’s prayer.  He doesn’t like the part where it says, “Lead us not into temptation.”  He says a loving father doesn’t do that.  He wants it to read, “Do not let us fall into temptation.”  i reckon he would cite James 1, “No one who is being tempted should say, “I am being tempted by God,” for God is without temptation by evil, and he himself tempts no one.”  Sounds pretty straight forward.  But then a lot of things do when you cut and paste them out of their context.  Context here to mean “the whole Bible.”  

From the very beginning, God placed two perfect people in a perfect garden and still he put in the tree of the knowledge of Good and Evil.  He didn’t need to do that.  He could have left it out.  He knew the Serpent was in the garden.  He was not somewhere else when Eve had her conversation with the snake.  He wasn’t sleeping.  Even the immediate context of the quote in James is, “Blessed is the person who endures TESTING…” Even the next line of the Lord’s prayer is “but deliver us FROM evil.

God does not tempt, no.  But He does test.  He tests to show you what is in your heart: idols, pride, selfishness, disobedience, even when i want to do good, i do not.  He tests to show you what you truly believe about Him.  Is He good even in this?  Will you accept good from His hand and not evil?  When you with Habakkuk ask God how long will we cry for help and you will not listen?  How long will we cry out to you, “Violence!” and you will not save?  And God answers, You think you know violence?  You ain’t seen the half of it!  Can you still say, “Not my will but yours be done?  Is He still God?  Is he allowed to do what He wants?  When He wants?  How He wants?  And when He does, is He still good?

For i would be doing you a great disservice if i left you here.  Because God tests to show you what is in your heart AND what is in HIS!  And what is in His is His Glory and your good.  God is good!  God does bless!  God does love you!  More than life itself!  And that is the point!  Fat, dumb and happy doesn’t seek God.  Doesn’t long for him!  Doesn’t ache for him!  It gets those two things reversed: we thing God is good when he works for our glory.

Sometimes when you ask for bread, God will give you rocks.  But to show you that man does not live by bread alone but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God!

Sometimes when you ask for a fish, the Father will give you a scorpion.  But fear not!  For Behold, He has given you the authority to tread on snakes and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy and nothing will ever harm you.  Nevertheless, do not rejoice in this, that the spirits are subject to you, but rejoice that your names are inscribed in heaven!

And there it is?  Where is your inheritance?  Where is your treasure?  If it’s here, you will only see the rocks, the scorpions and the snake.  If it’s Jesus, then your treasure is untouchable and unable to be measured!  Is He truly worth everything you must endure here?  Do you honestly and heart-deep believe that He is leading you to something so much better?  Do you really believe that this life is just the set up for Eternity?  That every loss and lack and trial and test are only shaping your inheritance, your consolation, your place that Christ is preparing for you even as we speak and making you hate even the garment stained by our sin?  The cross you pick up every day is only making you love your Jesus more?  Is He Yours?  Do you trust him?

On the third day, the son of David answered the Israelites who had asked for a lightening of their burden harshly, “I will make your yoke heavy, and I myself will add to it.  My father disciplined you with whips, but I will do so with scorpions.”  And the Israelites answered the king saying, “What portion is there for us in David?  We have no inheritance in the son of Jesse.”  And it turned out to be true.  They did not endure, they did not trust Yahweh their God.  They saw a snake and they ran and trusted in their own strength, their own king.  They went their own way and were scattered ultimately by the Assyrians to not be a people any longer.

Jesus is the better Son of David.  The Son of Eve who on the third day crushed the head of the serpent.  Who has thrown him down and says his time is short.  Do you believe him.  Will you wait for him to come and lead you where He says He will?  A time of testing is coming, not just on you personally but on the church and the whole earth, of that you can be sure, He promised it would but that on the other side, good awaited.  Our inheritance awaits.  He awaits.  But will He find faith when He comes?

(for those who do such things, you could do worse to meditate on Deut 8.)

Words.

"I still have many things to say to you, but you are not able to bear them now. But when he—the Spirit of truth—comes, he will guide you into all the truth. For he will not speak from himself, but whatever he hears he will speak, and he will proclaim to you the things to come. He will glorify me, because he will take from what is mine and will proclaim it to you. Everything that the Father has is mine. For this reason I said that he takes from what is mine and will proclaim it to you."  John 16

Context can be everything.  If your wife gave you a grocery list of items to get on your way home from work.  You would read it only as a list of things to get.  A duty.  Perhaps even a despised one.  Maybe you hate the grocery store.  Maybe you're tired and just want to go home.  Maybe you don't really like the vegetable-to-red-meat ratio of the list.  Maybe you don't mind but even so, it's just a list.  You probably crumple it up and throw it away when you're done with it.

But what if she died that day?  What if that note became the last thing you ever got from her?  Would you fish it out of the trash?  Would you pore over it in the days to come just to see her handwriting?  Would you savor every loop?  The way she misspelled 'brocolli'?  Did she put a little heart on it?  Write, 'thanks!' at the bottom?  

A love letter from your spouse is a precious thing.  When you are with your spouse every day you may take it for granted.  Put it in a drawer intending to do something with it later.  Pin it up in the cubicle where it becomes background to your day in the life but not vital to it.  Wallpaper.  But to a soldier far from home who hasn't seen their loved ones in months, it is life!  It is carried about in the breast pocket.  Pulled out at every opportunity.  Pored over for every detail, read and re-read.  An agonizing reminder of the world where they belong.  A reminder of something better somewhere.  A reminder that someone loves them.  Cares what happens to them.  It becomes their reason for living!  For surviving.  For being something the writer of the love letter can be proud of.

The Bible is a lot of things.  Poetry.  Story.  Wisdom literature.  Prophecy.  Commandments and guidebook.  But in one very real sense, it is a love letter to us.  It is God inviting us to know Him.  To know what He's done for us.  To let him remind us of who we are to Him.  How we feel about Him, about ourselves and our situation, colors how we read it.  It can be just words on a page... a grocery list.... wallpaper.

Or it can be life.

The heartbeat.

As a protestant who grew up in denominations marked by the space they put between themselves and their Catholic forebears, i have never had a great trust of liturgy.  Liturgy becomes rote.  Rote is faith in the freezer.  Hard.  Inflexible.  Cold.  Dead.

As i seeped and simmered, i came to equate rote with religion.  i learned no matter who we are, no matter what we believe about God, we all have faith in something.  We all have a religion.  We are all worshiping something or someone.  We cannot help it.  It's how we're made.

Like a good protestant, i came to understand and say (with no small amount of smugness) it's not religion, it's relationship.  Faith is not in what i do, rote, it's in what HE's done.  i cherished my freedom from all forms of rigidity, i celebrated in a casual style of worship service.  Not quite hippie love-in or quaker meeting, we weren't deconstructionalists or anarchists, we were more libertarian, i guess.

A few more years in the crockpot however and i've come to understand that even as we all must worship, even as we all have faith in something, we all have liturgy.  No, maybe we don't follow a dictum laid down in edicts from Rome, and maybe we don't have a board at the front of the sanctuary telling us what number hymns we will sing in what order and a bulletin that we don't even really need to look at anymore because we know the order of worship by heart, can recite it in unison (a term here meaning that dead, flat, monotone we all speak in during a service as if we were reading the fine print on a legal document instead of the Living Word) but we all follow patterns.  We all have systems.  We all make plans.

We were made for Rhythm.

Even someone like me, as painfully Northern Occidental and genetically, environmentally rhythmically-impaired as i am, have and live and was made for rhythms.  i wake up at a certain time, i eat at certain times, i work at designated times.  Lives, like songs, have frameworks.  Sometimes the beat is fast, driving, energetic.  Other days have a more languid tempo, relaxed, slow, contemplative.  Some days are speed metal, some days are dirges, others yet are reggae, polkas, waltzes, dubstep, hip-hop, country, ballads, blues and even jazz but each day, each year, each life, has a rhythm.  As if there is some outrageously hip angel of God in dark glasses, a pipe hanging from his lips, a soft hat cocked on his bobbing head and the mother of all upright basses in his long, steady fingers, tap, tap, tapping out the sound that was the first sound we became conscious of in the womb.  Life has rhythm.

And so does faith.  God built us for rhythms.  Seasons.  Tempos.  Beats.  Spiritual disciplines, creeds, liturgies are training.  Like soldiers, warriors, drilling certain steps into ourselves until our bodies can react correctly in times of stress and fear and chaos without prompting or conscious thought.  Like sages, we are so deep in Scripture we have the Word for every season, situation and praise.  So our days are not idle, our minds not bored, our worship not empty, our prayers not prattle, our hearts not tempted by desires unfit for our natures as Priests and Kings and Sons of the Living God.  For in our hearts and heads we hear the drums and basses and cymbals and guitars pounding out the steady rhythm to which the kingdom of the God of All Rhythms marches and dances.

What is the church according to the one with the fiery eyes and bronze feet?

What is the church according to the one who sees all, knows all, and judges in complete, inexorable justice and righteousness?

“This is what the Son of God says, the one who has his eyes like a fiery flame and his feet like fine bronze: ‘I know your works, and your love, and faith, and service, and patient endurance—and your last works are greater than the first. But I have against you that you tolerate the woman Jezebel, the one who calls herself a prophetess, and teaches and deceives my slaves to commit sexual immorality and to eat food sacrificed to idols. And I have given her time in order to repent, and she did not want to repent from her sexual immorality. Behold, I am throwing her into a sickbed and those who committed adultery with her into great affliction, unless they repent from her deeds. And I will kill her children with deadly disease, and all the churches will know that I am the one who searches minds and hearts, and I will give to each one of you according to your deeds. But I say to you, to the rest who are in Thyatira, all those who do not hold this teaching, who have not known the deep things of Satan, as they say, I do not put upon you any other burden. Nevertheless, hold fast to what you have until I come. And the one who conquers and who keeps my works until the end, I will give him authority over the nations, and “he will shepherd them with an iron rod; he will break them in pieces like jars made of clay,” as I also have received from my Father, and I will give him the morning star. The one who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches.’

The church is not without false teachers.  The tree shall be known by its fruit.  Which is why we all have a duty to know God's Word, so we may accurately discern what is right teaching from what is wrong. 

"Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to determine if they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world. By this you know the Spirit of God: every spirit that confesses Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God, and every spirit that does not confess Jesus is not from God, and this is the spirit of the antichrist, of which you have heard that it is coming, and now it is already in the world.
You are from God, little children, and have conquered them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world. They are from the world; therefore they speak from the world and the world listens to them. We are from God. The one who knows God listens to us; whoever is not from God does not listen to us. By this we know the Spirit of truth and the spirit of deceit." 1 John 4

What is the church? Received.

What is the church?  And what can we liken it to before a risen Savior?

"And I turned to see the voice which was speaking with me, and when I turned, I saw seven gold lampstands, and in the midst of the lampstands one like a son of man, dressed in a robe reaching to the feet and girded around his chest with a golden belt, and his head and hair were white like wool, white as snow, and his eyes were like a fiery flame, and his feet were like fine bronze when it has been fired in a furnace, and his voice was like the sound of many waters, and he had in his right hand seven stars, and a sharp double-edged sword coming out of his mouth, and his face was like the sun shining in its strength.
And when I saw him, I fell at his feet like a dead person, and he placed his right hand on me, saying, “Do not be afraid!"

It is in the West, in this day and age, very easy to succumb to the idea that we are just one religion of many.  That we christians are just following some cultural heritage passed down to us from our father and our father's fathers before us.  That our beliefs and our customs are no different than the beliefs and customs which mark other cultures and are no better or no worse, just separate.  And that would be true, is true for every other culture and religion.

But for Jesus.  If this man really lived and this man is who he said he is then it is INEVITABLE that each of us will one day stand before him just as John did in the passage above.  That is truth.  That is the church's truth.  What will you do then?  The church is not those who will fall at his feet.

"I am Yahweh, and there is none besides me;
    besides me there is no god.
        I gird you though you do not know me,
so that they may know from the rising of the sun
    and from the west that there is none besides me;
        I am Yahweh and there is none besides me...
 I have sworn by myself;
    a word that shall not return has gone forth from my mouth in righteousness:
‘Every knee shall kneel down to me;
    every tongue shall swear.’
‘Only in Yahweh,’ one shall say to me, ‘are righteousness and strength.’
    He shall come to him, and all those who were angry with him shall be ashamed." Isaiah 45

No, all will fall before Him just as all would melt before the Sun, it's just physics.  And here is one greater than the Sun.  

The church are those to whom He will compassionately give His mighty right hand and say, "Do not be afraid." 

What is the church? Kingdom come.

What is the church?  And what can we liken it to in Revelations 1?

"To the one who loves us and released us from our sins by his blood and made us a kingdom, priests to his God and Father—to him be the glory and the power forever and ever. Amen."

As He said to His church in the first covenant, which pointed to Jesus as the second covenant, 
" ‘You yourselves have seen what I did to Egypt and how I bore you on eagles’ wings and I brought you to me. And now if you will carefully listen to my voice and keep my covenant, you will be a treasured possession for me out of all the peoples, for all the earth is mine, but you, you will belong to me as a kingdom of priests and a holy nation.’"  Exodus 19

God is nothing if not consistent.  He never changes.  There is no God of the Old Testament and another God of the New Testament.  He is the same from everlasting to everlasting.  And so are we His church.  A kingdom of priests.  A kingdom which testifies to Him by our every word and deed.  A kingdom which mitigates the relationship between Him and the earth at large.  

This is not license for individualism.  There are no lone wolves in the flock of Christ the good shepherd.  It is an invitation to bear each other's burdens, to hear each other's confessions, to lead each other back to the altar, the cross, the sacrifice, our Savior Jesus Christ, our great high priest.  To bring each other into the very presence of God the Father.  To wash each other's feet in the Word.  To love one another as He has loved us.  To celebrate and rejoice in what He has done, is doing and will do, together!  

Until that blessed day when all the world and heavens are again a single temple filled with His worship and Spirit once again, we are the visible kingdom come. 

What is the church? Slaves.

What is the church?  And what can we liken it to in Revelations 1?

"The revelation of Jesus Christ, which God gave him to show to his slaves the things which must take place in a short time, and communicated it by sending it through his angel to his slave John, who testified about the word of God and the testimony of Jesus Christ, all that he saw."

The church are the slaves of God.  Bought and paid for with the blood of His beloved Son, Jesus Christ.   It's a loaded word, full of baggage in our culture but it's true none the less.  As Hosea bought back his own wife, Gomer, so Christ has bought us when we were far from him.  When we were enemies to him.  When indeed, we were as good as dead, slaves of the world, our own flesh and sin, and the devil himself, prisoners and chattel under a cruel master who was killing us, Christ came and took our place, bought us at the expense of his own life and we went free!  And our freedom is to serve in love a new master, a new husband who gives us his own inheritance and feeds us from his hand.  Our obedience isn't forced.  Our goodness and good deeds and generosity aren't to earn anything.  We've already been given everything!  We obey in thankfulness.  We forgive as we've been forgiven.  We share what we have in abundance.  The chains we wear now are the weightless chains of love to a Master who has already showed His love for us.  Thanks be to God!

What is the church? Truthful.

What is the church?  And what can we liken it to in Genesis 41?

"Then Pharaoh said to Joseph, “I dreamed a dream, but there is none to interpret it. Now, I have heard concerning you that when you hear a dream you can interpret it.” Then Joseph answered Pharaoh saying, “It is not in my power; God will answer concerning the well-being of Pharaoh.”"

"And the plan was good in the eyes of Pharaoh and in the eyes of all his servants. Then Pharaoh said to his servants, “Can we find a man like this in whom is the spirit of God?” Then Pharaoh said to Joseph, “Since God has made all of this known to you there is no one as discerning and wise as you."

Through revelation and dependence and faithfulness, the church should be a source of wisdom and truth to the whole world, an active participant and means of grace.  Whether they choose to avail themselves of it or not, our lips should always bear the fruit of the Truth to them.  We fill ourselves up with the sword of the Spirit which is the revealed Word of God, the mystery hidden until the proper time, 

"For the word of God is living and active and sharper than any double-edged sword, and piercing as far as the division of soul and spirit, both joints and marrow, and able to judge the reflections and thoughts of the heart. "  Hebrews 4

It is often said we should afflict the comfortable and comfort the afflicted but that invites us to judge both the recipient and the Word of God and decide for ourselves which is necessary.  If we are telling the truth to them, God will determine which it is to their heart.  

"But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ, and who reveals the fragrance of the knowledge of him through us in every place. For we are the aroma of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing, to those on the one hand an odor from death to death, and to those on the other hand a fragrance from life to life. And who is qualified for these things?" 2 Corinthians 2 

What is the church? Dependent on Grace...actively.

What is the church?  And what can we liken it to in the cupbearer?

"But remember me when it goes well with you, and please may you show kindness with respect to me, and mention me to Pharaoh, and bring me out of this house. For I was surely kidnapped from the land of the Hebrews, and here also I have done nothing that they should put me in this pit.”"

The church, though chosen and blessed by God are not forbidden nor discouraged from using all available means before them to improve their situation.  The world is ours after all.  So when presented with a chance to gain Pharaoh's ear, Joe doesn't sit mum and think, "well, the Lord will provide."  The manna shows up miraculously every day, yes, but we still were required to go out and gather it.  With our hands.  And mix it and knead it and bake it to make bread.

In the same way, God provided the opportunity with the cupbearer and Joe avails himself of it.  And the cupbearer would actually turn out to be the means of grace to Joe... in God's timing...

"And it happened that after two full years Pharaoh dreamed...Then the chief of the cupbearers spoke with Pharaoh, saying, “I remember my sins today."

The church are those who can work with the cupbearer who forgets us and his three days with us in the pit but eventually remembers his sins before the king of Egypt, because we believe and trust in the one who dwelt with us, bore the cup of wrath for our sins though He had done nothing deserving of the pit, spent three days in the pit and then was restored to his place as King of Kings beside God's throne where he forgets our sins but never his great love for us so that in His timing, He can set us on the throne next to him!

What is the church? Dependent on revelation.

What is the church?  And what can we liken it to in Genesis 40?

"When Joseph came to them in the morning he looked at them, and behold, they were troubled. And he asked the court officials of Pharaoh that were with him in the custody of his master’s house, “Why are your faces sad today?” And they said to him, “We each dreamed a dream, but there is no one to interpret it.” And Joseph said to them, “Do not interpretations belong to God?"

Here we see a slew of the characteristics of the church in play.  Joe's responsibility, even in jail.  Joe's compassion for his neighbors, fellow prisoners, foreigners, pagans.  His knowledge, right knowledge of God, not bumpersticker faith.  But fully convinced of the sovereignty of Yahweh, the All knowing, All powerful.  And last but not least, Joe's simple faith and trust in God's power, not his own.  

The church does not lean on its own wisdom and understanding and power.

Centuries later another prisoner and exile in a foreign land (church as alien) would have an opportunity to not just interpret dreams but know the dream outright without being told it!  And not just for servants of the king, but the king himself!  He does not lean on his own power either...

"Then Daniel went to his home, and he made the matter known to Hananiah, Mishael and Azariah, his companions, and told them to seek mercy from the God of heaven concerning this mystery, so that Daniel and his companions, along with the remainder of the wise men of Babylon, would not be killed.
Then in a vision of the night the mystery was revealed to Daniel; then Daniel blessed the God of heaven.
Daniel said:

“Let his name, the name of God, be blessed throughout the ages,
    for the wisdom and the power are his.
And he changes the times and the seasons,
    and he deposes kings and he sets up kings;
he gives wisdom to wise men
    and knowledge to men who know understanding.
He reveals the deep and the hidden things;
    he knows what is in the darkness,
    and the light dwells with him.
To you, O God of my ancestors,
    I give thanks and I give praises,
for the wisdom and the power you gave to me,
    and now you have made known to me
what we have asked from you,
    for you have made known to us the matter of the king.”  Daniel 2

What is the church? Stars in a dark world.

What is the church?  And what can we liken it to in in Joseph as we see him amidst the Egyptians?

"And his master observed that Yahweh was with him, and everything that was in his hand to do Yahweh made successful."

"And the chief of the prison put all the prisoners that were in the prison into the hand of Joseph. And everything that was done there, he was the one who did it. The chief of the prison did not worry about anything in his hand, since Yahweh was with him. And whatever he did Yahweh made it successful."

We've talked about the church being witnesses.  We've talked about the church being aliens.  We've talked about Yahweh being with His church.  So this might feel a bit redundant though i'm hoping for nuanced.  

What gives our witness power, what opens the door for more specific witness, what makes us seem alien to them, is our obedience to the Law of Love that Yahweh has laid down for us in Christ Jesus.  Love God with all you have, all you are, all you hope for and love each other as Christ loved the church and laid his life down for her.  Then, love your neighbors, those whose need God blesses you to be able to fill, serve your neighbors with respect and love as if serving Christ Himself, for you are.  For we can be aliens by just acting weird and no one will care to know the God who gave themselves up for them.  We can be servants without love and no one will trust us.  We can be at peace with our neighbors but never know them.  We can be lights under a basket.  We can be salt without saltiness.  And the world will not know that God has come to dwell with them.

"For the one at work in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure, is God. Do all things without grumbling and disputing, in order that you may become blameless and innocent, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverted generation, among whom you shine as stars in the world, holding fast to the word of life..."  Philippians 2

The church is a light which shines on Christ.  

What is the church? Faithful servants.

What is the church?  And what can we liken it to in Genesis 39? 

"Now Joseph had been brought down to Egypt, and Potiphar, a court official of Pharaoh, commander of the guard, an Egyptian, bought him from the hand of the Ishmaelites who had brought him down there. And Yahweh was with Joseph, and he became a successful man. And he was in the house of his master, the Egyptian. And his master observed that Yahweh was with him, and everything that was in his hand to do Yahweh made successful. And Joseph found favor in his eyes and he served him. Then he appointed him over his house and all that he owned he put into his hand. And it happened that from the time he appointed him over his house and over all that he had, Yahweh blessed the house of the Egyptian on account of Joseph. And the blessing of Yahweh was upon all that he had in the house and in the field. And he left all that he had in the hand of Joseph, and he did not worry about anything except the food that he ate."

"And Joseph’s master took him and put him into prison, the place that the king’s prisoners were confined. And he was there in prison. And Yahweh was with Joseph, and showed loyal love to him, and gave him favor in the eyes of the chief of the prison. And the chief of the prison put all the prisoners that were in the prison into the hand of Joseph. And everything that was done there, he was the one who did it. The chief of the prison did not worry about anything in his hand, since Yahweh was with him. And whatever he did Yahweh made it successful."

Wherever the church is, whether God blessed it with the choice of careers and mission fields in which to serve or whether God is testing her with less than ideal circumstances and even suffering, one thing should mark those who know Yahweh and are known and loved by Him:

The church should endeavor to be the most loyal, the most beneficial, the most honest, the most worthy servant we can be there for as long as we are there.  Employers, employees, co-workers and customers should all be able to stand on the last day and praise God for how we treated them. 

"Slaves, obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling, in the sincerity of your heart, as to Christ, not while being watched, as people pleasers, but as slaves of Christ doing the will of God from the heart, serving with goodwill as to the Lord and not to people, because you know that each one of you, whatever good he should do, this he will receive back from the Lord, whether slave or free. And masters, do the same things to them, giving up threats, knowing that both their Lord and yours is in heaven, and there is no partiality with him."  Ephesians 6
  
For the church should not motivated by money, the praise of men, worldly ambition or laziness.  The church are those chosen to serve in the same love they have been served.

"So when he had washed their feet and taken his outer clothing and reclined at table again, he said to them, “Do you understand what I have done for you? You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and you speak correctly, for I am. If then I—your Lord and Teacher—wash your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that just as I have done for you, you also do. Truly, truly I say to you, a slave is not greater than his master, nor a messenger greater than the one who sent him. If you understand these things, you are blessed if you do them."  John 13 

What is the church? Known by its limping.

What is the church?  And what can we liken it to in Genesis 32?

"And Jacob remained alone, and a man wrestled with him until the breaking of the dawn. And when he saw that he could not prevail against him, he struck his hip socket, so that Jacob’s hip socket was sprained as he wrestled with him. Then he said, “Let me go, for dawn is breaking.” But he answered, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.” Then he said to him, “What is your name?” And he said, “Jacob.” And he said, “Your name shall no longer be called Jacob, but Israel, for you have struggled with God and with men and have prevailed.” Then Jacob asked and said, “Please tell me your name.” And he said, “Why do you ask this—for my name?” And he blessed him there. Then Jacob called the name of the place Peniel which means “I have seen God face to face and my life was spared.” Then the sun rose upon him as he passed Penuel, and he was limping because of his hip."

Despite the appearance of a few generations of enlightened christians, the church is not white, clean and neat.  It is not shiny, happy people who have got it all together.  Got it all figured out.  It is not "good" people.  

It is people who wrestle with God.  It is people whom God has interrupted, disciplined, blessed and disputed with and instead of walking away, instead of avoiding, instead of running from or ignoring, these chosen people have struggled to understand and have had the faith not to give up.  They are people who have been led to a hard place, a wilderness place, a place of darkness and death and dying and asked the question, "Why God?  Why?"  And not always gotten satisfactory answers.  Leastways, not right away, if at all.  And God not only allows this, He most often welcomes it.  

"Cease to do evil! Learn to do good!
    Seek justice! Rescue the oppressed!
    Defend the orphan! Plead for the widow!
“Come now, and let us argue,” says Yahweh.
    “Even though your sins are like scarlet, they will be white like snow;
    even though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool.
If you are willing and you are obedient,
    you shall eat the good of the land.
But if you refuse and you rebel, you shall be devoured by the sword." Isaiah 1

How can God be so tolerant?  How can he be so patient?  Because the church is His children whom He dearly loves.  The church are those children who want to know why, Daddy, why?

"When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.
And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love."
 

What is the church? Sacrificed for.

What is the church?  And what shall we liken it to on the mountain in Genesis 22?

"And they came to the place that God had told him. And Abraham built an altar there and arranged the wood. Then he bound Isaac his son and placed him on the altar atop the wood. And Abraham stretched out his hand and took the knife to slaughter his son. And the angel of Yahweh called to him from heaven and said, “Abraham! Abraham!” And he said, “Here I am.” And he said, “Do not stretch out your hand against the boy; do not do anything to him. For now I know that you are one who fears God, since you have not withheld your son, your only child, from me.” And Abraham lifted up his eyes and looked. And behold, a ram was caught in the thicket by his horns. And Abraham went and took the ram, and offered it as a burnt offering in place of his son. And Abraham called the name of that place “Yahweh will provide,”"

God is God.  He is Holy.  Part of what that means is anyone who does not treat him as such deserves to die.  Abraham deserved to die for his sins.   The concept and practice of sacrificing an animal in our own place goes back to Genesis 3 when God gives animal skin coverings to Adam and Eve.  Our naked shame is covered by the blood of something which did not rebel against God; did not doubt Him; an innocent caught in the thicket of our sin.  We see it again in chapter four with Cain and Abel.  We see it again in the animals Noah brings on the ark and sacrifices as soon as they are safe on land again.  And we will see it all through the Bible, right up to the coming of the True Lamb of God.  All of this points ahead.  God knew what He was going to do from the beginning.  

"And authority was given it over every tribe and people and language and nation, and all who dwell on earth will worship it, everyone whose name has not been written before the foundation of the world in the book of life of the Lamb who was slain."  Revelations 13

Just as God knew what Abraham and Isaac were going to find on the mountain.  Here God is giving Abe and the angels and us a much clearer picture of Jesus than even a fuzzy little lamb!  Here God is letting Abraham, the father of nations, act in God's own place!  For God knows what He is going to do: sacrifice His own Son!  This test wasn't to show God what was in Abe's heart, He already knew.  Abe's name is written in a book God has on his coffee table.  A book of people whom Jesus has chosen to die for.  Chosen to die in place of.  Chosen to provide for.  It is to show us what is in God's heart.

"For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord."  Romans 6

The church are those who have received the gift God has provided.