To all the souls i've loved before

She was eighty-five years old and she had no children of her own.  She did have thirty-five nieces and nephews.  And at one time, she and her husband had thought this might fill the void.

Only one stayed in touch.  Only one came to visit.  Only one could she call if she needed something.  

Now for all i know this woman is the bride of Frankenzilla herself when not in public.  Many people keep a face in a jar by the door but my wife told me about this customer of hers and i didn't think that.  Well, i did think that but only for a really, really brief moment.  My main thought was, "i don't keep in touch with any of my aunts and uncles."

And as i went to bed, in the forty-five seconds between becoming horizontal and the onset of catatonia, my mind started making a list.  A lovely list.  An adorable little list of all the people my mind, who apparently had been paying attention to these things even thought i thought i'd been ignoring...

• My grandmas, one of which is developing alzheimer's like symptoms.
• My father, who asked me to call him.
• My sister, who's undergoing psychiatric evaluations these days while her two remaining children hang with...
• My folks, who asked me to do a couple of favors for them that i keep forgetting.
• My brother, who just moved his family across the country and i never visited while he was in Washington, a state i really wanted to visit.
• My sister's other two kids who now live with their fathers.
• My old partner, Duke, who called me out of the blue yesterday and has been out of work for a couple of months.
• My best man, who i realized last night i never sent his family's Christmas gifts to.
• Panzer, who, like my partner Duke, calls me out of the blue every now and then.
• El Oso, who sent me a very nice Christmas gift himself.
• The Mighty and Glorious Garrett Jaxx, who, wrapped in golden chains, i had been meaning to see even before the king died and made it more of an imperative.
• Gosh, i'm glad this is not a numbered list.
• The aunt and uncle that leant Mynk and i their cabin for our honeymoon.
• The only aunt and uncle that stay in touch on my patri-side.
• Either of the two cousins i have on my matri-side.
• Any of full regiment of cousins from the other side, one of which adored me as she was growing up and had a baby who's name i can't remember.
• Moffatt, my brother in worship who moved on to another outpost of the realm.
• The Hawk, my brother in music who i've made several sad attempts to form a band with.
• Add to this the innumerable friends and relations i see once a week and act like that's enough.  Or the guys i see at work everyday but hardly speak to.  So many lives i rub up against.
• The homeless that i took blankets to once last year and haven't been back.

If you see yourself on this list, know that i haven't forgotten you but that to be remembered by me is little more than a line in my prayers.  If you don't see yourself on this list, then... damn.  Sorry.  Who were you again?